What to do when your teenager refuses to go to school?

Understanding school refusal vs. occasional truancy

What is School Refusal?

School refusal is more than just a teenager skipping school now and then. It's a consistent and intense reluctance or refusal to attend school or stay at school for any length of time. Teens experiencing school refusal often feel overwhelming anxiety or fear about going to school. This anxiety can be triggered by various factors, such as social issues, academic challenges, bullying, or family problems.

Key Points

- Consistency: School refusal is a persistent pattern; the teen consistently avoids attending school, often leading to prolonged absences.

- Emotional Distress: Teens with school refusal often experience intense emotions like fear, anxiety, or panic related to going to school.

- Impact on Daily Life: School refusal significantly affects the teen's and family's daily routines and activities

Occasional Truancy

Occasional truancy, on the other hand, refers to sporadic instances where a teenager skips school without valid reasons. Occasional truancy might happen due to reasons like feeling unwell, a special occasion, or simply wanting a break. It doesn't typically involve prolonged periods of absence, and the reasons for skipping school might vary.

Key Points

- Inconsistency: Occasional truancy involves irregular, sporadic episodes of missing school.

- Reason Variability: Reasons for truancy can range from mild illness to personal preferences and may not always indicate deeper issues.

- Limited Impact: While occasional truancy should be addressed, it doesn't usually disrupt daily life significantly.

Understanding the Difference:

It's essential for parents to differentiate between occasional truancy and school refusal. If your teenager occasionally misses school for minor reasons, addressing those issues directly can often resolve the problem. However, if your teen consistently avoids school due to intense emotional distress or anxiety, it could indicate school refusal.

Common signs of school refusal:

  • Excessive Absences: Missing a significant number of school days without valid reasons, leading to chronic absenteeism.

  • Requests to Go Home: Frequently asking to be picked up early from school, citing various excuses.

  • Escaping to Safe Spaces: Seeking refuge in safe spaces like the toilets, school office or counselor's room to avoid classrooms and peers.

  • Excessive Parental Involvement: Parents may be constantly involved in trying to persuade or force the child to attend school.

  • Complaints of Feeling Unwell: Expressing feeling unwell without specific symptoms, using vague terms like "not feeling good" or "feeling weird."

  • Refusal to Participate: Avoiding participation in school-related activities, events, or sports that were once enjoyable.

  • Frequent Physical Complaints: Teens may often complain of headaches, stomachaches, nausea, or other physical symptoms on school mornings.

  • Excessive Tardiness: Consistently arriving late to school or missing the first classes regularly.

  • Prolonged Morning Routines: Taking an unusually long time to get ready for school, creating delays intentionally.

  • Emotional Distress: Expressing extreme distress, anxiety, or fear about going to school, often accompanied by tears or tantrums.

  • Social Isolation: Avoiding social interactions, both at school and with friends outside of school.

  • Academic Decline: A sudden drop in academic performance or motivation, despite previous achievements.

Understanding why teens refuse school

7 reasons why your teen might refuse school:

1

Social Anxiety and Bullying: Some teens feel anxious or scared about social interactions at school. They might fear being bullied, teased, or judged by their peers.

2

Academic Challenges: Teens might avoid school if they're struggling academically. Fear of failing, not understanding the lessons, or feeling overwhelmed can lead to school refusal.

3

Mental Health Issues: Conditions like depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues can make school seem daunting for teens. Emotional distress might prevent them from attending.

4

School Environment: Issues within the school environment, such as conflicts with teachers or feeling misunderstood, can lead to school refusal. Teens might not feel comfortable or supported.

5

Physical Health Concerns: Chronic illnesses, pain, or physical health conditions can make attending school difficult for some teens. Persistent discomfort might deter them from going to classes.

6

Sleep Problems: Teens need sufficient sleep, and irregular sleep patterns, insomnia, or other sleep disorders can lead to tiredness, making it challenging to attend school regularly.

7

Peer Relationships: Complicated friendships or social challenges with peers can cause emotional distress, making teens reluctant to face social situations at school.

Is anxiety behind your teen's school refusal?

Understanding the signs and symptoms every parent should recognise

Encountering occasional anxiety during adolescence is a natural aspect of development, and it's common for children to express feeling unwell as a way to skip school. Yet, for specific teenagers, anxiety can transform into more than just a temporary feeling. As a parent, how can you recognise the signals that indicate anxiety has become a significant concern?

  • Excessive Worry and Preoccupation: Constantly worrying about school-related situations, leading to excessive stress and anxiety.

  • Physical Complaints: Frequent complaints of headaches, stomachaches, fatigue, or other physical symptoms, often without any apparent medical cause.

  • Avoidance of School-Related Activities: Persistent avoidance of school-related activities, such as homework, tests, presentations, or school events.

  • Social Withdrawal: Avoidance of social interactions with peers, leading to isolation and reluctance to participate in group activities.

  • Sleep Problems: Difficulty falling asleep, staying asleep, or experiencing frequent nightmares related to school-related worries.

  • Change in Behaviour: Sudden changes in behaviour, such as irritability, restlessness, or mood swings, especially before school days.

  • Negative Self-Talk: Engaging in self-critical thoughts, doubting abilities, and having low self-esteem related to school performance and social interactions.

  • Fear of School-Related Activities: Extreme fear or avoidance of specific school-related activities, such as using public transport, speaking in front of the class, or participating in physical education classes.

  • Panic Attacks: Sudden and intense episodes of fear or panic, often accompanied by rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, chest pain, and dizziness, triggered by school-related situations.

  • Procrastination and Avoidance: Procrastinating on school homework activities and avoiding tasks or responsibilities due to fear of failure or judgment.

  • Excessive Seeking of Reassurance: Constantly seeking reassurance from parents, teachers, or peers regarding school-related concerns.

  • Changes in Eating Habits: Significant changes in eating patterns, such as loss of appetite or overeating, often due to stress and anxiety related to school.

  • Academic Decline: Sudden decline in academic performance, difficulty concentrating in class, and a noticeable decrease in enthusiasm for learning.

  • Physical Symptoms in School Settings: Physical symptoms such as sweating, trembling, blushing, or feeling dizzy when faced with school-related situations like exams, presentations, or classroom interactions.

  • Constant need for accompaniment: Insisting on being accompanied by a parent or guardian to school, seeking comfort and reassurance in their presence due to school-related anxiety.

Do's & Don'ts for Parents Handling School Refusal

Do’s:

  • Communicate with your teen: Ask your teen why they don’t want to school. There are various ways you can help your teen communicate this to you. See Empathetic Conversations: Effective Communication Strategies for Parents Discussing Teen School Refusal

  • Involve the School: Maintain open communication with the school. Collaborate with teachers and administrators to create a supportive environment for your teen. Ensure they are aware of your teen's challenges and ask if they know of anything that has happened at school that could have led to school refusal.

  • Contact your GP: If your teenager is showing signs and symptoms of anxiety or sickness these symptoms could also indicate depression. Both anxiety and depression are serious mental health conditions that can significantly impact a teenager's well-being, academic performance, and social interactions and medication may also help relieve these symptoms.

Dont’s:

  • Don't Ignore or Minimise: Don't ignore your teen's school refusal or dismiss it as a phase. Avoid minimising their feelings or forcing them into situations that intensify their anxiety. Taking their concerns seriously is crucial.

  • Don't Use Punishment: Don't resort to punishment as a way to force your teen to attend school. Punishment can increase anxiety and worsen the situation. Instead, focus on understanding their fears and providing positive reinforcement for their efforts.

  • Don't Compare or Pressure: Don't compare your teen to others or pressure them by saying things like, "Other kids don't have this problem" or "You need to toughen up." Comparisons can further lower their self-esteem and exacerbate their anxiety. Instead, offer unconditional support and understanding.

Empathetic Conversations:

Effective Communication Strategies for Parents Discussing Teen School Refusal

The School Refusal Intervention Programme
for Overcoming Teen School Avoidance

How does it work?

The School Refusal Intervention Programme encompasses six components, each aimed at empowering teenagers to overcome anxiety and successfully return to school.

The 6 key components include:

1. Initial consultation:

  • During the initial consultation, I assess your teenager's specific challenges and needs related to school refusal.

2. Psycho-education:

  • Incorporation of Psychoeducation: Sessions are dedicated to educating your teen about anxiety, including its physical symptoms and recognition techniques. This knowledge forms the foundation for understanding their emotions and reactions.

3. Reframing Negative Thoughts:

  • Teens learn how to identify and challenge negative thoughts and beliefs associated with school situations.

  • Through interactive sessions, your teen is guided to reframe negative self-talk, replacing it with positive, realistic thoughts. This cognitive restructuring enhances their confidence and resilience in school environments.

4. Safe Exposure:

  • Gradual exposure to feared school situations is a pivotal step in the program.

  • Under professional guidance, teens experience safe exposure to anxiety-provoking school situations firstly through guided visualisations and then, when ready in real life. This controlled exposure helps them realise they can cope with challenging scenarios, building their self-assurance.

5. Coping Skills and Skills Training:

  • Teens acquire specific skills tailored to facilitate their return to school.

  • Teens are equipped with coping skills, including managing reactions to anxiety-provoking situations, honing conversation skills, and developing problem-solving abilities. These skills empower them, fostering confidence and reducing anxiety in school-related interactions.

6. Parental Involvement:

  • Parents play a vital role in the treatment process, actively supporting their teens' journey to overcome anxiety.

  • Parents are actively involved and receive training on how to support their teenagers effectively. They learn strategies to provide encouragement, guidance, and understanding, creating a supportive home environment crucial for their child's success.

The School Refusal Intervention Programme aims to holistically address anxiety, providing teens with the tools and support necessary for a successful reintegration into school life.

The 4 Benefits of the The School Refusal Intervention Programme

1

Convenient Access from Home:

Teens can access this therapy from the comfort of their own homes, ensuring a familiar and safe environment for their sessions.

2

Evidence-Based Approach with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) and Hypnotherapy:

Adding hypnosis to CBT can enhance effectiveness by addressing the subconscious aspects of anxiety. While CBT primarily focuses on conscious thoughts and behaviours, hypnosis delves into the subconscious mind, where deep-seated beliefs and emotions often reside. By accessing the subconscious, hypnosis can help uncover and address underlying triggers and fears that might not be immediately apparent during regular conscious discussions. This holistic approach, combining the practical strategies of CBT with the transformative power of hypnosis, provides a comprehensive and nuanced therapeutic intervention. It allows teens to work through anxiety at both conscious and subconscious levels, leading to more profound insights, lasting behavioural changes, and a greater sense of control and empowerment.

3

Transferable Skills

This programme offers a valuable benefit by imparting transferable skills that extend beyond overcoming anxiety and school refusal. These skills are versatile, applicable to various life situations, and empower teenagers with resilience and confidence. By focusing on these adaptable skills, the programme not only helps teens reintegrate into school but also equips them for life's challenges, fostering long-term emotional well-being and self-assurance.

4

Easy and Quick Solution

No need to spend hours stuck in a session - the programme is designed so your teen can start feeling better within weeks!

Meet Jo - School Refusal Therapist for Teens

Hi, I'm Jo. My expertise lies in supporting teenagers in overcoming anxiety and building the confidence needed to resume their school journey. I am fully certified and registered Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist and Paediatric Hypnotherapist. I am dedicated to assisting young individuals in rediscovering their inner strength, paving the way for them to embrace their true potential.

  • Qualifications:

    MSc Psychological Science

    Dip. Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy

    Dip. Paediatric Hypnotherapy

    NLP Master Practitioner Cert

    BSc Occupational Therapy

    BA Social Policy and Sociology

    In my spare time, I enjoy spending time with my family and friends, travelling, dancing, and learning Spanish (albeit slowly!).

TISPH

Client Success Stories:
How these 3 Teens overcame their Anxiety

Sarah - Social Anxiety at School

Sarah, a 15-year-old student, faced severe social anxiety that had caused her to withdraw from social situations and constantly worry about negative judgment. Despite her parents' attempts at various treatments, little progress was made. Through the Social Ease Programme, Sarah learned to identify and challenge negative thoughts and behaviors contributing to her anxiety. She acquired coping strategies to manage anxiety, relaxation techniques, and gained confidence in social interactions.

As time passed, Sarah's social anxiety diminished, leading to improved grades and increased participation in extracurricular activities. Notably, her parents also experienced positive changes in their own lives, shedding constant worry and stress while enjoying a more fulfilling relationship with their daughter.

Laura - Skipped School

Laura's teenage years were marred by relentless bullying at school. Laura felt like she couldn't talk to anyone about what was happening to her, so she started skipping school pretending she was sick, she would walk longer routes to and from school to avoid seeing the bullies and eat her lunch outside near the staff room to feel safe.

Laura’s parents eventually found out what was really going on and decided it was in her best interests to move schools to where her sisters were. Laura never sought any therapy following this experience, she tried to brush it off and deal with it alone but it affected her in many ways through fear of being around other people and being judged negatively. She avoided many activities, job proposals where she would feel this fear.

However, at the age of twenty she decided to take control of her life. Through the Social Ease Programme, she discovered techniques to challenge negative beliefs and respond assertively. Laura learned how to respond to others, particularly anyone she felt threatened by in a way that protected her emotional wellbeing, and she gained the confidence and self-assurance to stand up for herself. Her story highlights the importance of addressing bullying's lasting impact and seeking support to reclaim one's life.

Hannah - Panic Attacks

Hannah faced the overwhelming and frightening experience of panic attacks, which included rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, and intense fear of social situations. These attacks disrupted her daily life, hindering her ability to concentrate in class and go outside. Despite her parents' support, they struggled to fully grasp her challenges.

However, everything started to shift for Hannah when she joined the Social Ease Programme. She gained insight into the underlying causes of her panic attacks and learned effective techniques to manage them. Hannah discovered how to regulate her breathing and calm her racing thoughts, which empowered her to feel more confident and in control. As a result, she could attend social events without the constant fear of having a panic attack and found it easier to focus on her studies.

Not only did Hannah experience positive changes in her life, but her parents also witnessed the transformation. Seeing their daughter overcome panic attacks and develop strategies to manage her anxiety brought them immense relief and gratitude.

Checklist: Is this right for my teen?

Your Teen's Symptoms

Consider whether your teen is exhibiting symptoms of school refusal, such as excessive worry, fear of social situations, avoidance of social situations, and physical symptoms like sweating or trembling.

Treatment components

Review the programme components, which include hypnosis, exposure therapy, and coping skills training, and consider whether they align with your teen's needs.

Your Teen's willingness to participate

The School Refusal Treatment Programme requires active participation from your teen, including attendance at weekly one to one sessions and exposure to feared situations (this is through visualisation initially, and then will work towards a graded return to school).

Frequently Asked Questions

  • The School Refusal Programme is for Teenagers refusing to go to school due to anxiety and who are aged between 12 and 16.

  • Hypnosis is a natural state that most people experience every day, such as when we daydream or become engrossed in a book or movie. This means that hypnosis is a familiar and comfortable experience for most teenagers, making it easier for them to enter into a hypnotic state.

    Hypnosis allows for direct communication with the subconscious mind, which is the part of the mind that governs emotions, beliefs, and habits. This is particularly important when working with teens, as their subconscious minds are still developing and can be more receptive to suggestions for positive change.

    Hypnosis can help teens access and process difficult emotions and experiences in a safe and supportive environment. This can be especially beneficial for teens who may be resistant to traditional talk therapy or who struggle to express their emotions verbally.

  • Natural Form of Treatment

    Hypnosis is natural, somewhat like day-dreaming. It’s something we all do several times a day without realising it!

    Relieve Stress With Hypnosis

    I use hypnotherapy to help your Teen's mind ease and relax; this natural, safe state of relaxation works wonders in relieving mental stress caused due to anxiety.

  • Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapy

    I will work with your teen to identify their limiting thoughts, feelings and behaviours in relation to their anxiety that are holding them back at school.

    We will then work together to change these limiting thoughts, feelings and behaviours into ones that serve them better. These positive changes will then be rehearsed with hypnosis to embed the changes at a deeper level. 

    Mindfulness

    Mindfulness is the practice of being fully present and aware of the current moment, teaching teens to manage stress, anxiety, and emotions effectively.

    NLP

    NLP, or Neuro-Linguistic Programming, is a psychological approach that will help your teen understand how their thoughts and language patterns influence their behaviours and emotions.

  • No matter where you are located in the world, your teen can get started today.

    To get your teen started, all they’ll need is:

    A device (such as a tablet, smartphone or PC) with Google meet, or Microsoft Teams installed

    A credit or debit card to make the online payment (which you’ll receive a payment link for)

  • Yes, the School Refusal Programme is suitable for teen’s with ADHD. The sessions can be adapted to the specific needs of your teen, for example reducing the session length.

    For teen’s with autism or autistic traits, the School Refusal Programme may be beneficial. However it is better to discuss your teen’s specific needs with me so that I can understand better and identify whether the programme is suitable for them before you commit to the programme.

3 Useful Resources for Parents

Empathetic Conversations

Effective Communication Strategies for Parents Discussing Teen School Refusal

Schedule a free call

Benefit from a free 30 Min Consultation call with Jo and get all of your questions answered

The School Refusal Guide

All essential facts about the School Refusal Intervention Programme at your fingertips, ready for when you need them

Get in Touch

Contact

The School Refusal Intervention Programme by

Josephine Tripier Lorio
jo(at)virtualtherapystudio.com

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